If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
