"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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