I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
