I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
