I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We left the knife in your bed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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