Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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