Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
