I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Everyone says I win the strip club
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
