That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
