just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
