I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
