Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
