"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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