Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
