Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
