I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
