you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
