Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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