Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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