im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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