The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
