Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
