we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
