just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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