You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
