you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My balls are so social today.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
