**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
