I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
