i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
