super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
