saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
