she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
