I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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