apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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