I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
