So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
