No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
