shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
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