I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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