No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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