What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
