did you get engaged???
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
