I love black thongs
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
