two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
