Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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