Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
