No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
