after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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