question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
