I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
