Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
