i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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